at some point....

Hmm..
It was too melancholic if i said that the word scarifying is very synonym to me. ..i let my heart off and i let other party happy.
To the ex-lover,family,friends...and my own self.
it's hard to describe everythings here.Sometimes, i wish i have the courage to pour out and get some space to steal back my own happiness.There are so much i wanted to say but sometimes, words got in my way not because i'm not happy , but it is more and more than it suppose to be.

Now, the environment had changed,i have had to force myself coz i didnt want to think much at least for this year.Browsing back for some of the old photos, the feeling suddenly came again, longing, missing the good old days, my good company my good friends back at study years back at cheras and cyber,it's makes me sad and suddenly tears running down slowly.Yes, perhaps i am too sentimental and emotional person. I treasured and valued every memorable and good things happened in mylife...

Some part that value and worth to appreciate, while some part that hurts and worth to let go.Life gets whole lots better perhaps, but i'm still in healing process, hope to get better and better in time.Hope that nobody will ask me how i feel right now, hope that the clock will ticking faster and faster..hope i can go to the future and forget about the wounds and stop the bleed that i'm having right now , it's still haunting and killing me as well.In my thought, i just need to know,that's possible that two people can stay happy together forever? can i trust words and promises that eventually means nothings and lie?. Pathetically i'd been blind because of love, and the irreponsible person only took advantage on me easily.Pathetically i still could not forget.

Well,people can see how tough enough i am now. I'm strong enough to hide what i actually feel, deep down in my heart i feel so tired, so sad, too lonely,empty and denial. I am too afraid to trust and start everythings all over again.At some point, i wish someday they will knew at least someday they will try to appreciate and realised.For now, i just have to be patient and pray to Him. I know, the test is always hard, but that's where we learned to be a better person and i always believe, one day the hardship will be cured. amin..

What will happened next? only time will tell..

it's been along time....

tralalaala...
busy makes me crazy.....

how hard the time will goes...

till then...

hear you me...

sometimes...
the pain...comes.
sometimes...
the pain gone....
i get confused.
i tried to swallow every bit of it
i tried to let go..eventho it's keep coming..
i tried to keep silent...and it's hurt....
i wish....at some point...
everythings will disappeared...

eventually.
one day.

fainted...

i'm not feeling well today. so, i didnt go for work...sigh.
yesterday i was nearly fainted at the bathroom.
that was not the first time..happened...

my body abit weak..and my stomach aching...

sigh.

better in time......

been busy... got another interview at CCM, another big name company in Malaysia ...but, probably i didnt go for it...nghee..so, let's make alil update...for lastweek.

wednesday...:

PIBG day..and..Hari Kecermelangan at my school.
not so busy..but..busy...

*koir SMKTSI and my friends*


friday:
Sambutan Malidur-Rasul peringkat sekolah.


Saturday:
went to Melaka...Dataran Pahlawan...Jusco...

Song...makes me tears....

I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel

I can love
But I need his heart
I am strong even on my own
But from him I never want to part
He's been there since the very start
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel

Bless the day he came to be
Angel's wings carried him to me
Heavenly
I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel

tears and rain.........

Saturday :

From home...around 6.50am.... headed to Cyberjaya....arrived there approximately 8.15am... stop sekejap kat street mall.. bougt some sweets and mineral water...mana tau tengah-tengah exam kehausan kan?.. so lepak-lepak jap kat smk cyberjaya... met Azimah...best friend my cousin Nini...same-sama amik exam dengan dia...ada jugak geng kan?hee...exam tamat...around 4.00pm.. tapi dah cabut awal-awal...

Then, i went to OU, Damansara... cari parking punyalah sesak. Met my friend H.. Lepas makan-makan and window shopping... terus balik Sg Buluh....at my family house.

So, seronok.. i met my brother, sister and not to forget..my anak-anak buah...melayan diorang.. and also kucing-kucing kat rumah tu. Malam tu...Ma malas nak masak.. so.. kami ramai2...makan kat luar je. Balik...dan terus tido...penat and ngantuk.


Sunday :

Early morning..Maa masak nasi lemak. together with...my sista. breakfast together....and..lepas je makan sume... ikut my sister gi rumah die jap kat Putra Height..Subang Jaya. Lepas tu terus gi Pavillion...and shopping... i bought... a new...beg..notso expensive shoe...forever 21-necklace.......and bought not to forget aso.. fav..half dozen JCO dounot!man... i'm super high... lunch lagi kat Madam Kwan's... hahhaha....

*I like...*

*1 is missing*

Then, on my way back home... around 5.30pm.. hujan lebat giler tapi terpaksa gak drive sorang2.....& i thought i saw someone.....sigh...Alhamdulillah...sampai rumah around 6.30pm...

Penatlah...nak tidoo....sok nak keje....

yang tersimpan....

When other gstt members said.." haiii busy nye cikgu @yu..ni sekarang".. and so, i just smile back to them. Being busy makes me temporary forget all the things that's bugging me. ..with open heart i accept all the works....i wish i have more works.. .okay...

for example..yesterday.. i have no time untuk minum air... busy inserting formative test 1 for 3 hijau students...i have no time untuk sit down and chitchat with other members.Obviously they noticed my disappearing. Yes, i'm serious with my works...everyone noticed that. i dont want to give a bad impression from other senior teachers toward me..since most of them knew who i am..actually.

Yesterday... i formally received my surat perlantikan as a teacher.. at SMKTSI with the syarat-syarat and total basic salary..and allowance...yepei!!!...okay...today... i'm still busy... updating the results... and...yada-yada...

back from school at 12.10pm.

ok..i need rest!.ngantuk...zzz

Reasons.......

Process of healing....

1. Kenapa aku tak dapat apa yang aku idam-idamkan?

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216.

2. Kenapa ujian seberat ini?

“Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286.

3. Bagaimana harus aku menghadapinya?

“Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada org-org yg khusyuk.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45.

do you know what your fate is?

Mix feeling,alone,sad.....and tears......headache

fight!

cant help it.